How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
