I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
