Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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