when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Shame is for Republicans.
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