Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize