Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
