And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
