I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
