Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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