we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
