dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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