Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize