I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
