I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There r osticjed everywhere
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
