win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
