I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
