I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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