I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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