At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
