I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize