I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
