"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
