Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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