I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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