My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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