I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
