made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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