Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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