your thong is hanging out like whoa
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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