I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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