I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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