3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
