She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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