I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
