You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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