Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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