Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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