i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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