You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
