I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
