When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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