i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
