Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
