Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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