Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
