Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
