She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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