ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
