come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
