it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
