Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
