Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
