This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
