if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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