Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
