You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
