Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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