He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize