these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
