all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize