My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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