Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize