HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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