It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
