I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
