Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
