i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
