What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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