She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
