and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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