Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
