dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
