Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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