Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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