omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize