ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
