Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i permit you to call me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize