Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
