just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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