i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
