Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
