two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
