dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would ride that face into the sunset
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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