I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
