yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
