I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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