I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
