I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
