The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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