Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
