I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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