my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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