That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
