Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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