they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
