"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
