It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
