"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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