She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
