Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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