Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize