Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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