Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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