he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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