Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize