Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
