I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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