apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
