The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
