9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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