I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
